Moj pristan.

English

Ko smo se začeli pogovarjati o možnosti, da bi prevzel odgovornost za mlade v Skupnosti Emanuel, smo predvideli tudi vprašanje kraja mojega bivanja. Dokler smo o tem samo govorili, nisem bil ne vem kako pozoren in me to vprašanje v končni fazi ni dosti vznemirilo. Šele ko sem po odločitvi glede mojega novega prebivališča in škofovemu dekretu začel pakirati, sem ponovno doživel tisti nelagoden občutek, ki pride samo takrat, ko moraš pospraviti svoje stvari in oditi. V bistvu je bilo to veliko vznemirjenje. To ni bila še ena od selitev, ampak je bila selitev v tujino. Neverjetno: v zadnjih 14 letih, to je od zaključka študija do danes, sem se preselil 8 krat (od tega 2-krat v tujino), pa sem se počutil, kot bi se selil prvič v življenju. In dejstvo, da sem odhajal onkraj meje, je stvar še poslabšalo. Ne vem torej, ali se težavnost selitve povečuje z leti, vsekakor sem pa mislil na Abrama, ki je na stara leta zapustil svojo domovino in se prepustil Gospodovemu vodenju.

Šel sem torej v München (pravzaprav vse do danes nisem preveril, kako ime tega mesto zapišemo v slovenščini), ker smo v njem našli presek vsega kar potrebujem za mojo službo in za moje dobro: resnično prisotnost Emanuela, oporo bratov duhovnikov in pošteno mednarodno letališče. München torej, ki ima poleg naštetih pogojev tudi odliko: od Alp je oddaljen približno toliko kot Ljubljana. Zvenelo je torej kot idealna baza za moje življenje in za moja potovanja, čeprav sem se zavedal, da moja 20 let stara maturitetna nemščina potrebuje resen poseg. Čakala me je le še preprosta miselno-čustvena-telesna operacija, da združim tisti prvi neugoden občutek glede selitve in to drugo glede optimalnosti novega okolja. V tem času in procesu sem dostikrat pomislil na strastno vprašanje apostola Petra, ki ga naslovi Jezusu: Gospod, mi smo vse zapustili. Kaj bomo torej prejeli? No, ne vem, če je bil Peter v danem trenutku potrt ali navdušen, vsekakor pa v njegovi osebnosti prepoznavam dosti strasti. Pravzaprav je bila ta prigoda z Jezusom moj vodnik skozi proces postavljanja temeljev novega življenja. Operacija, ki mi je vzela približno pol leta. Najprej sem moral sprejeti, da vse zapustiti ne velja enkrat za vselej, še najmanj pa je bila to ena izmed ceremonij na novi maši; da sem v bistvu spet pred velikim izzivom: Vse sem zapustil! In nadalje sem moral sprejeti, da pri Bogu nihče ne izpade, da pa lahko ta resničnost izpade iz mojega radarja. Precej časa sem potreboval, da sem se iztrgal svojim lastnim mislim in se zazrl v to, kar mi daje Gospod: pristan.

Glej, mi smo vse zapustili in šli za teboj. Kaj bomo torej prejeli? (Mt 19,27)

Ni bilo samo prijetno spoznanje, ampak naravnost odkritje! Ne more biti, da Bog ne bi skrbel za svoje otroke, zatorej tudi zame. In če sem na poti, potrebujem pristan. Kraj, kjer me pričakujejo, sprejemajo in se z mano veselijo. To seveda ni hiša, avto ali kaj podobnega, temveč so odnosi. Moj pristan in moje zavetje je skupnost 3 duhovnikov, ki stanujemo pod isto streho … ne začenjam sicer pravljične zgodbe o življenju brez težav. Pred dnevi sem jih denimo slišal, ker nisem odgovoril na sporočilo, ki sem ga v aplikaciji prejel, pa tudi spregledal. Poleg tega nisem sporočil, da se z enotedenske poti vrnem dan kasneje kot načrtovano. In podobno. A tudi to in ravno to je sestavni del mojega pristana, ki ga imam rajši kot praznino brez konfliktov. Neverjetno dober razlog za življenje v hvaležnosti.

English

My base.

When we started talking about the possibility of becoming in charge of youth in the Emanuel Community we anticipated the question of the place of my residence. As long as we only talked about this, I was not that much attentive, and this issue did not really disturb me that much. After we had made the final decision about the place of my residence and after I had received the bishop’s letter I have started to pack my stuff. It was only then that I experienced that unpleasant feeling that just happens when you have to take your things off and leave. In fact, it was really thrilling. This was not yet another move, but it was a move abroad. How amazing is this: I have moved 8 times (of which 2 times out of the country) in the past 14 years, that is from the end of my studies up to this day, and I felt like moving for the first time in my life. The fact that I was going abroad has only worsened things. I do not know whether the difficulty of moving increases over the years, but I certainly thought of Abram, who left his homeland in the old age and followed the Lord’s leadership.

So I went to Munich because we found there an intersection of everything I need for my work and for my own good: the actual presence of Emanuel, the support of the brothers’ priests and a fairly big international airport. In addition to the listed conditions, Munich also has am enchantment: the distance to the Alps is about the same as in Ljubljana. It sounded like an ideal base for my life and for my journeys. I was aware, thou, that my 20-years-old knowledge of German needs a serious inspection and maintenance. The only thing I needed to do was a simple mental, psychological and physical operation of combining that first unpleasant sense of moving and the knowledge of how ideal my new environment was. That was the time when I often thought about the passionate character of the apostle Peter, who addressed his question to Jesus: We have left everything to follow you. What shall we have therefore? Well, I do not know if Peter was troubled or overwhelmed, but I certainly recognize a lot of passion in what he says. In fact, Peter’s little conversation with Jesus was my guide through the process of laying the foundations of a new life. It was An operation that took me about half a year. First of all, I had to accept that leaving everything does not happen once and for all; I am basically facing this big challenge to be able to say again: I left everything! Secondly, I had to accept that nobody falls out of God’s providence, but this truth can fall out of my radar. I needed a lot of time to tear out my own thoughts and look at what the Lord is giving me: a base.

We have left everything to follow you. What then will there be for us? (Mt 19:27)

It was not just a pleasant realization but a real discovery! God cannot forget taking care of his children, and that includes me, too. And if I’m on the go, I need a safe base. People who expect me, who accept me and who rejoice with me. This is not a house, a car, or some other stuff, of course, but relationships. My base and my shelter is a community of three priests who live under the same roof … I do not start a fairytale about life without any problems whatsoever. Just some days ago my brother priests told me off for not responding to a message on a messenger service. Besides, I did not tell them that my week-long trip would last for one day more than planned. And so on. This (and this in particular) is a part of my base which I prefer rather than avoid without conflicts. An incredibly good reason for living in gratitude.